Desperation of a Soul
by KD Almasy
Summary: Collab with Kingdomonkey! When your left with nothing, all you can do is look for someone to blame. Even if that person if your dearest friend... Kratos is lost and Yuan is stranded in the darkness left behind.
1. Chapter 1

Well it's been a while but I've resurfaced! And it's a collaboration fiction with my dear companion Kingdomonkey! Read her stuff for it truly rocks sock off of their respective feet! So no further a due, this chapter is written by me in Kratos' POV. Disclaimer!!! Obviously we don't own Tales of Symphonia, though we've had many discussions on what would happen if we did. Mumble mumble. The plot however is our brain child... And an insolent one at that. Enjoy.

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Kratos' POV

Red. Warmth. Red. It's... All over my... Hands.

...Anna?

Argh! ANNA! ...She ..._It_ hits me again, its large claw like arm striking my ribs and sending me into a nearby tree. That's three ribs gone, my mana is drained. I can't... concentrate. The world has slowed down, the only thing my angelic senses can pick up is the sound of my own blood, flowing, flooding, and _POUNDING_ in my head. But its not all mine, someone else is hurt... WHO ELSE IS HURT? I can't remember anything, its like I've been fighting the creature for an eternity, I'm not using my full strength. _Of course I'm not._ That THING is my wife, my Anna, my heart. Thank Goddess Noishe took the child and ran, I can hear screaming... The sounds of pain and death and heartbreak, sounds so terrible I haven't heard them since the war.

The pain suddenly explodes within my head as I recognise the voice, the cries of pain and of pity. It's... me.

But that's not the only sound, I kick the monster off with a firm blow to the expansive chest, it lands three feet away from me, giving me precious seconds to identify the other sounds. Harsh breathing and the repulsively weak cries of the desians I dispatched down the cliff to the forest below, nothing can be done for them, they are going to die, alone and crying. Children, not soldiers. I throw the thoughts of their pathetic souls aside. The next sound is far more... disturbing. Its laughter... A nauseatingly sweet sound, I don't recognise it but I realise where its coming from and I cannot even begin to control the rage that pools and wells within me. Him. That bastard Kvar, he did this, he kept Anna... MY Anna, in a cage, upon her escape he tracked us mercilessly, ruthlessly hunting us day and night. And now, finding our dear, beautiful child and us... My heart contracts with a new swell of pain, Lloyd—

I hear myself scream again as I am lifted far above the ground and slammed back down with tremendous force, I can't breath; I stagger to my feet and raise my shield weakly only to be hit to the ground again. This cannot be happening. This _should not _be happening. I found the woman that I loved, such a wonderful woman that found it in her magnanimous heart to love such a thing as I with unrestrained passion and grace. To nurture me and to help me out grow the pain that my sins had born within me, to save me in everyway I could have imagined and further grant me with the astonishing gift of a son. My life is being ripped apart at the seems and I can do nothing, nothing but watch as everything we worked for, strived so hard for, is taken from us. Is there no peace? Is there no happiness?

"Come along now my LORD Aurion, you can do better than that. I've seen you do better than that."

Kvar interrupts my thoughts, that contemptuous; mocking voice I would know anywhere. How dare he? But still, this is my wife, the mother of my child, the woman I LOVE. I cannot hurt her, I cannot. The creature raises its horrid, deformed hands above its head, ready to finally finish me, I cannot think anymore, not of Anna, not of Lloyd, not of Noishe. WAIT!

The scream I hear now is not my own, I watch with a mixture of terror and relief as Noishe launches himself at the creature, my infant son placed safely on the ground away from the battle. The child's large, wholly innocent, chocolate brown eyes, boring into my own, so similar orbs. I can't see fear in those eyes, I can only see confusion, and in a brief flash I see Lloyd's life becoming a mess of complication.

A high-pitched whimpering breaks through my thoughts and I watch the limp form of my faithful pet sail over the same cliffs that claimed the desians. Seeing this my child bursts into sobs, loud sobs, they ricochet around my head and heart. In that moment I almost feel like crying with him but my damnable crystal will not allow it. Time seems to halt at that little boy's desperate call of denial.

"Noooooo! Noishe!"

The creature, the monster, the mother, freezes where it stands and turns to look its son. It regards me also. It is deciding whom to kill first. Assessing the threat levels. Just as I was trained to do.

"Kra-tos?" A broken sound, a pain filled sound. I cannot stop my eyes from staring at the monstrous form before me.

"Anna?" I have to ask, it is impossible, I know it is impossible. But I have to have her back, trade her place with mine.

"My... Love. Kill. Me."

"No." The decsion is absolute, I will not do this.

"I... Love you. But you must... Argggggggggh!" The creature, Anna, lurches forward towards our child.

"Nooo," I whisper brokenly, "Anna I can't, I won't let you die! I love you!"

"KRATOS you must, if you do not that child, my…child, will DIE!" With a cry of rage, of war, of desperation and with bitter, unrestrained defeat. The creature, no longer my wife in any way, moves with superior speed towards Lloyd. It is with cry of equal emotion that I rush to meet her, thrusting my sword through her chest and dragging the blade down to ensure a quick death. She turns with the grace of a predator and swipes at me, I stumble back and can only watch as the reactions of the monster result in my boy being knocked over the cliffs behind it.

"Nooooo!" I hear myself shrieking, I can't control the pain and I can't move. _I cannot move._

The monster strikes me again with its failing limbs and I hear several more ribs shatter. I don't care. I can hear the creature dying behind me but I don't stop to watch, I must get to Lloyd. With my mana completely depleted I have no wings and no choice but to jump and run and fall down to the bottom of the cliff, at the bottom my heart is ripped apart never to be re-formed. Lloyd is gone. The desians are half eaten by monsters.

_**My baby son is gone. MY BABY SON IS DEAD.**_

My vision grows blurry and I hope and pray that death is what awaits me. I can hear shouting at the top of the cliff, I recognise the voices. I will have revenge on the human Kvar, and the half-elf Yuan. The one soul who knew of our whereabouts. A single sobbing word passes my lips as the world rushes away from me.

"Lloyd."

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So thats how it went, Reviews are always appriecated but flames will be used to fuel a pot for a Mithos roast. Stay tuned for the next installment because Kingdomonkey is writing it! 


	2. Chapter 2

_Heya everybody welcome to chapter two!! And this is Kingdomonkey's chapter hope it matches to KD's dances hope u like it and if not well o well I blame Mithos like I blame him always anyhow obviously we don't own Tales of Symphonia but I must say that so I don't get sued and go to court and courts boring so you know I'll avoid that!! Well enough of my babbling and lets get to the story. This is in Yuan's POV._

_KD's lil note… Thankee folks for the reviewage of my chappie, you made me happy, sorry for the delay I've had the flu and abandoned ma monkey for ages!_

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Yuan's POV:

I grinded my teeth and bit my tongue, desperately trying to keep my cold front up as I watched my best friend jump over the cliff to try to save his son, somewhere in my mind it occurred to me that he may not just being trying to save the boy. Stupid human. Pathetic human just like the rest, foolish, impulsive and too caring for others. If only she not followed Kratos, if she had not been a fool enough to fall in love with a man she couldn't tame, she'd probably be alive and Kratos would be safe in my Renegades base. We'd stop Mithos, together, end this madness, but no she just had to interfere, well at least it's for the last time. She's dead, I can see the monstrous, mangled corpse. I sighed, that was cruel wasn't it…. I glanced over the cliff then turned my attention to Kvar.

"You moron. You better hope he's alive" I snapped, the sight of all the blood finally reached my head and I glanced at the tainted clearing in anger… There was blood _everywhere_ imaginable while bodies where in tree's and motionless on the ground _anywhere and_ _everywhere_. I mentally shivered and turned to the cliff.

"You are dismissed Kv-"

"Why didn't you kill her, _My Lord_?" Kvar chuckled cruelly obviously enjoying this.

I gritted my teeth again to the point I wondered if they would shatter. How dare this filthy Desian interrupt me? I must remind Pronyma to keep her _creatures _on a tighter leash. "Kvar", I ground out evenly, hating the man right up to his name. "You're a mad man, Mi- Lord Yggdrasil would not approve if you killed Lord Aurion and you almost did" I turned away in disgust and Kvar walked away from me to the trees.

"You can give me back my project when you get it" He called pleasantly over his shoulder. I could lecture him, I am one of the four seraphim, I could kill him. But that honor is simply not mine.

Why? Why did it always happen to us and for the same reason? This stupid world, those stupid people, how I resent it all. Our situation now is all because of people, like Martel and Anna who want to save them. I glanced back at the bloody clearing, disgusted, this was terrible and brought back so many horrible memories… So many memories, each so painful.

Martel…

I miss her so dearly, all I want is her back in my arms but then again it's been so many thousands of years and Yggdrasil has failed so many times… What'll make him succeed now with me and my renegades in arms against him? …Kratos probably. I frowned and pulling out my blue wings floated down the cliffside with grace. It was time I brought Kratos to my base, maybe talk him into joining me by using Anna's death! Yes that's a very good idea, but then again I'd be dishonoring Anna like Mithos did to…

Martel…

Why did she come to mind when I tried to think? Floating into my thoughts so gracefully. I should be planning a way to free her. Screw Anna and Lloyd and Aurion! I want to save Martel! I landed a few feet away from the bloody form of Kratos. The only problem was it wasn't his blood, it was Anna's, making Kratos' wound all that much bigger. I knelt down and frowned at the sight of the area surrounding us . There were bodies and blood everywhere here also. Worst of all half of it was on my best friend. I pulled out a cloth and wiped his face tenderly, in my thoughts I hate him, ideally I would hate him. But I can't, he is my friend, my companion and my saviour. It is time for me to repay a dept to him. Leaning closer I gently pick him up bridal style and start walking though the dense forest, Kratos is not light, I can't fly. I'm so indecisive, do I use my friend is his utmost moment of weakness, or help my friend it his utmost moment of weakness? Should I let my head or my heart win?

What was I going to do if he said no? Would he kill me and tell Mi- no not Mithos anymore, Yggdrasil, where my base was? Should I be doing this? Taking a chance with my life's work and sweat and punishment? Well I'm sure Botta would not let Kratos attack me and the base but Kratos is too strong for him. I shifted uncomfortably until I realized I was walking in soft, warm sand. I mentally laughed. How would I know if I was in danger with all this thinking I'm doing? Of course he would listen, I'd be fine… I hope.

Soon I was brought out of my thoughts but the soft squishy sand beneath my shoes giving way to the trees surrounding my Triet base and I noted I was almost there. My mind started to race and I shifted the lifeless form in my arms. I don't think I can do this. Yet my heart is winning the war of body and soul. My head doesn't really have an opinion now and besides were else would I bring him? In the end, I must take care of him.

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_Well I hope u liked it and want to continue reading it. Well I want to hear your reviews since I have no life except the computer so I need something to do oh and flames will be used to burn Mithos and maybe Pronyma so don't bother….. Wait never mind I want to roast Mithos….. hehehe anyhow KD's next so keep your heads up so you can read the amazing next chapter!! Kingdomonkey OUT! _

_Lol… So its me next… Eeeep! Please please please review, it doesn't take a sec and it makes us so very happy and jolly! Well I'm off to write Kratty's turmoil, KD xx_


	3. Chapter 3

_Well its been a long ol' time but here it finally is, chapter three! Can I get a woot woot? …Thought not… Anyway I must offer my sincere apologies for how long this took me, I have been living a bit of a crazy life this past month. To summarise: relationships are phooey and work is pointless! Thank God for Kingdomonkey's patience, I swear she is a saint! Anywhoo I feel you've waited long enough so on with the show…_

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Kratos' POV

…I can't remember falling asleep.

Anna must be up already, Lloyd will have risen with the sun and my beautiful wife will have intercepted him en route to me. It is a rare occasion that I sleep and even more of a rarity that I should sleep well, however since my marriage it is becoming easier, therefore when I do find slumber forthcoming Anna makes it her mission to let me be. She protects me from the barrage and bundle of noise that is our infant son. I smile to myself at these thoughts of my family. My. Family. Finally, after so many years, so much life and death and betrayal I, Kratos Aurion, once again have a family.

My body and mind seem to be unwilling to wake up. I am not concerned, this state of blurred reality, dreams and treasured memories is blissful and I feel oddly at peace. I am suspicious of the lack of my usual nightmares and somehow I know that this half-asleep joy will not last. The word family seems to be floating around my head and all of a sudden my memories take me further back than I thought I would ever remember.

I remember my father. The strong, proud bearer of the Aurion name. The cruel, cold man who terrorised my mother and sent me away to war at the precious age of fourteen. It was amazing what a general could achieve for his only son when war is killing off far more soldiers than are enlisting, or who can be recruited. "_For pride, for glory, for the grand house of Aurion!"_ How I adored him.

I felt genuine affection for my father. He was never kind, never gentle and never forgiving but always in command. I admired greatly the man who would later condemn me to a life of sin, despair and saving the world. I yearned to learn all I could from him, and combat he did teach me to the highest degree. The man taught me to fear failure and to lead my men flawlessly against any enemy that dare cross an Aurion's path. My father also taught me to dread the day that I became a father myself.

My mother. The Goddess, the one pure soul of my childhood. The light, the beauty, the kindness and the salvation for me that my father could never frighten out of her. I loved her so very much but for all my training could never protect her form him. Not on that night. Not ever. She would not let me stand between them during their bitter battles, caused mainly by my involvement within the army at such an early age, but she could not prevent my hearing her broken weeping late at night. Knowing how sometimes she would beg him to let me resign my position, leave with an honourable discharge, "_anything to get him away from the blood shed. Please!" _Even now I do not know if I would have let him send me home had her case not fallen on deaf and scorned ears.

A human woman, raised by elves, a true child of mana and nature itself, very much like Martel. My mother was gifted in the healing arts, and in turn taught them to her only offspring in the hopes that they would keep me alive in battle. Though, when the time came for me to use them, it was in a battle far worse than any I ever faced on the field in times of war. It was a battle in my own home, against my own blood in which I vainly tried to use her skills to save her. I failed. After that I never used the magic again, it was only when I received my atonis and of course my Cruxis Crystal that I once again harnessed the power passed on from my childhood, but still I would only use destructive magic. It was only when we lost Martel that I once again attempted to use my healing powers. I failed again. I remember with some degree of horror the day when I thanked Lord Yggdrasil, while bending on one knee, for that damnable thing.

I think of my wife. My beautiful, my darling, my hunted wife. Hunted because of me. What a life I have given her. What a life she has made of it for both of us. All three of us. I feel myself smiling into my pillow… …Which smells different, odd. Wrong. I dismiss the thought as I come to the realisation that I can't be separate from Anna any longer. I must rise, walk up behind her and press my lips against her neck. Kiss her just below the ear where she simply adores to be touched. She will laugh and no doubt pass a struggling baby to me, he will have been annoying her all morning with demands to see his father. If he is not in her arms I will hear him coming with his cries of daddy and his body hitting my lower legs as he simply _needs _to be picked up and placed on my shoulders. Anna will smile that knowing smile as I scowl when he pulls at my hair and pokes chubby fingers in my eyes and ears, all the while telling me to "Gee up!" and I will not need my angelic senses to smell their sweet scents or see their sweet smiles because I will be there with them. Loving them.

Yes. I think I will get up now.

Consciousness does not return quickly, but once it does I know everything is terribly wrong. I am not at home. I am not in mine and Anna's bed. I am no where near my son. Oh sweet Gods. No! The pain, regret and grief hit me all at once like a lightning bolt and I am instantly awake. Anna! Lloyd! I can feel my once perfect control slipping away into nothingness, I sit up in the alien bed and start to scream. I can't stop. I have never been so afraid of myself before, I cannot physically control myself. All I can hear is my screaming. A furious, ferocious sound, ripping through my lungs and throat, I sound like an animal, no, a monster. I pound the bed around me and look desperately for something to hurt myself with. I must stop the emotional pain. I manage to break off a piece of the metal head board and begin tearing it over my bear chest, it opens up my wounds from my fight with Anna. Anna. The screaming stops. And all I can see is my wife, the tears flow thicker and I drop my makeshift tool on the floor.

"Anna." I whisper brokenly.

"You know, I suck at healing magic. Your chest took me ages. Stupid human."

I look up with a start. The half-elf Yuan is looking at me from across the room, I cannot say anything. I had sworn my revenge on the creature I once called my brother, but now I feel so empty. I want to hurt him, _kill _him. But I cannot. I look at him in despair and can't find any words. He must see how lost I feel, how the world should have stopped when I lost everything but it hasn't. How it is spinning far too fast for me.

"Oh Kratos." He strides across the room towards me and without a care for the blood spilling from my chest, pulls me into an embrace. I hate this. He knew where we were. He must have told Kvar. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him!

"I HATE YOU!" The words go from my head to my mouth with such speed that I barely realise it's me shouting. I pound my fists into any part of him I can reach and sob like a child. He just holds me tighter and pins my arms to my sides with his.

"You knew where we were. You told him. Why Yuan?" The words tumble out and I am surprised that he understands anything of what I'm saying. But obviously he does as he sits back a little and looks directly into my eyes, I can see pain and pity swimming in those depths as well as something I cannot bear to recognise right now.

"Because they tortured me."

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_KD---- __Wow. CLIFFY! God I'm evil. All done. I hope you liked it? I am excited about this chapter but have no idea of the response it might receive so please please please review it and honestly let me know what you think. Next is Monkey's bit and she rocks ass! So stay tuned for Yuan's inner most thoughts. As ever flames will be used to lightly singe Mithos. _

_Monkey---- Well it's me next eh? runs and hides behind KD well hope your excited and can't wait for mine and if not then... well i guess your not. Oh and better reveiw for KD even though i don't think her's needs help... IT'S AWSOME!!!! _


	4. Chapter 4

_Kingdo: There you all go! Sorry for the delay but I finally got it here... DON'T THROW STUFF AS KD, IT'S ALL MY FAULT/Ducks from stuff thrown at me/ Hope you enjoy!!! we do not own Tales of Symphonia, Namco does. If we did I would of made the start start with Anna's footsteps running threw the forest and let you all see her AND how she died/looks to KD sheepishly/ or I would of... Aaaaaaanyway done with rambling..._

_KD: Lol, it is my fault too, but please take into account that your favourite authors live literally a world away from eachother so catching up isn't as easy as it should be. Anywhoo, enjoy this. I did._

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Yuan POV.

My hands start to sweat as I realize what I had said. What the hell had I been thinking! Kratos continues to stare at me in utter hate and confusion. It hurts to know I have caused that hate, that after four thousand years our once happy group is finally completely killed. My sapphire eyes look to the floor as Kratos seems either frozen or in thought about how to attack. Who knows, he's probably already forgotten what we once were…

"I…" I start but my words die faster then I can blink. The room seems darker then a clean white room should as our eyes go anywhere then where they should. The silence is eating at me and Kratos has let several tears escape his strong ruby eyes. Finally I gain enough guts to break our cold silence as my eyes stare into his. I want to flinch from how quickly his eyes changed from soulful and happy to the dead look they carried now. "I'm sorry."

Kratos falters but I am pretty sure it is not from being guilty but from anger.

"You're sorry?! Is that all you can say, I'm sorry?!" I flinch from his voice. It's full out yelling and filled with emotions I thought I heard the last of a long time ago. "You killed why I'm alive, Yuan, you caused everything that has happened to me! All you can say is sorry?!" By now I thought he had lost it since Kratos never screamed.

My eyes speed to the ground as I set my hand to steady me against the cool surface. A beep sounds but I take no notice of it. Kratos' eyes are full of hate and loathing now as he stares down on me. I sigh. Why am I so worried? We never were friends, I'm fighting for something we lost long ago. Suddenly the alarm cuts off Kratos' desire to continue to rant and red fills the room. My heart stops as my eyes unexpectedly widen. There is an intruder? And I did not notice? What had I been doing! I ignored Kratos' harsh voice and uncharacteristically scrambled for the screen a couple feet from my mahogany desk. Random buttons flash grabbing my attention but I focus on what I must do. The screen only shows how much more foolish I am. I am to focused on the computer to hear the door slid open with what would be my death.

Slam.

Pain fills my head as it smashes against the cold steel of my wall and the picture frame that been hidden on the shelf I barely missed, fell smashing into pieces. I cringed as my body hit the floor and I felt warm blood roll down my face and my joints get sour with an intense flame. What had I been thinking!? I practically lead the god forsaken Mithos to me! My eyes want to open but when one has hit his head as hard as I just did, it is almost impossible. I can feel the hate and anger pouring out of Mithos... or that's who I guess it is, as he stands over me.

"You Traitor." I know Mithos will take this to his advantage... after all Kratos is defenseless. I cough roughly as Mithos grabs my neck and holds me up looking into my blurry eyes. "Oh Kratos... I am only here to help!" he said glancing to the man I assumed had been answered. Had that hit been harder then I thought? I didn't hear anything.

I felt myself lose consciousness... damn... the last my eyes saw was Mithos releasing a spell I knew all too well...

Judgment.

/Flash back/

A scream tore threw my soul. My eyes seemed to water. My mind was the last thing being used now.

I scramble for my double saber and run.

To where? I'm not sure... I just run. Blackness surrounds my body as I run making me feel dark, empty, and... lonely. That damn scream returns and I hold my elven ears as I run. Not once do I realize that that scream...

Is me...

I can't stop... I ... have to get somewhere... I don't know where right now but I need to be there. My body goes cold. It is like ice has covered my skin and heart covering the warm surfaces till there is no more. I feel a heavy weight as I trip, held down by those damn chains, not allowing me to where I need to be. I look up only to see the last thing I want to see again...

Martel's death.

I scream over and over so many times that I think my throat will burst and my body will give out. Martel looks back at me with a sad smile crossing her soft pale face as the sword enters her body. Her fragile form falls to the ground, emerald hair flying everywhere. I realize that it is humans in black armor holding me. My eyes water as I realise something no lover should... she is dead... and I couldn't be there to save her. I'm numb...

Tears.

A friendly hand.

Comforting words.

Then a pain filled hopeless yell.

/end flashback/

I cough loudly to cover the sound of a sob bubbling through my throat. I must hide it. I open my eyes and wipe my face from the little demons. It was... a dream. I groan feeling the glass I sat on and the wall I dented. The cool surface sooths my pained back. My eyes look around my destroyed office. My desk is in half, bloody papers everywhere, the door to my room is busted open making the door release a loud cry as I push it away and it falls to the singed blue carpet.

I don't remember when I got up to walk but all I know is I subconsciously walked to the broken picture frame and I looked to the broken picture inside as I knelt down. I choked looking at the picture.

Martel's smile lit the photo as her emerald hair framed her pale face and beautiful green eyes. Her delicate arms held onto me and I am grinning, my arm thrown around another grinning man... Kratos. His hair was shorter back then and he was... a little less... harsh, more emotions played within the deapths of deep chocolate eyes. Mithos smiled a toothy grin with his arms out wide in front of my little family, my first family... My only family. His eyes were closed in delight and his blond hair fell into his face. The trees lining the clearing seemed to sing in delight along with us as the sun shone down.

I sigh, my heart constricting painfully beneath my ribs. He... helped me, he made me live... I... used him... damn heart... I drop the frame like it might burn me alive scarring my body with never ending memories and rise to look out of the broken window to my base. The rain crisply drifted into my room soaking the floor and some of myself. It hardly ever rained in Treit, almost never, but I remember when Martel was around... she had said rain flowed down to show the angels were sad... ironically... that is the case.

It was decided. I was going to help him reclaim himself, even if it killed me. I would save him...

Like he saved me.

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_Kingdo: well I hoped you enjoyed that. I thought it was okay but hey I just want to here your concerns and complaints!!! review REVIEW REVIEW I've decided to hand out "Screw Pronyma" buttons and "I love tomato head Kratty" T shirts! or you can replace Kratos with anyone else/runs around with Kratos Yuan and Mithos on front of shirt and Lloyd Botta and Zelos on back with Sheena and Raine on each sleeve/ YAY/hands KD one/ KD'S NEXT CHEER LOUD!!!!_

_KD: Whoa... Welp I guess its my job to follow that... Well done Monkey! Review now kids... spur us on._


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